Picture this:
walking over a wooden bridge,
it's nighttime. you waited until late because you wanted to be alone with the one you loved.
maybe the slabs of wood are still moist from the day's rain shower.
maybe the nails are rusted.
maybe the bridge leads to a resting area overlooking the water, which is black and opaque from the night sky's reflection.
maybe he proposes, says something profound that makes you cry, that weakens you, and you say yes and embrace.
maybe that happens. and maybe you go back to your hotel room and you know what happens next and maybe you silently whisper forever forever forever over and over again,
and you wake up enveloped in ivory sheets, laying next to him, and he is admiring your beauty, touching your hair and lips gently.
what if that life is the only thing you've ever wanted? what if you're imagining a house with a wraparound porch, and children that don't go through a gothic stage, that don't roll their eyes when you cry as you drop them off for their first day of college? what if you're thinking about your mother in law becoming your best friend, harmonious vacations at the beach, Sunday morning service, and celebrating each anniversary as though it were the first? what if you think this man will never stop saying he loves you, will never stop meaning it, and what if you think he won't start spending too much time out at the bars and come home late smelling like hard alcohol, and he will thank you for dinner each night, and when things get busy at work he won't treat you like a non-entity? what if you're thinking he will still tell you you're beautiful, even 50 years later, when all that's left is a pair of easy chairs and a stack of newspapers and sporadic visits from the grandkids?
Shit.
What if it just doesn't happen that way? What if you won't be enough to command his attention long enough, what if he falls out of love, but you stay in that same sweet loving place, and there's nothing you can do to change his mind?
That's the worst fear of all.
that certainly hit home, i think you really captured the essence of what it's like to want nothing more than true love and romance. it's beautiful, but sad that it isn't something that's guaranteed. perhaps that's what makes it so sought after, because it's rarity.
ReplyDelete